WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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