Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
