friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dick very happy bro
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
