Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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