does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
