Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
