You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
