the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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