Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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