Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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