You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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