I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need moral support for this bender
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Watching her eat just hurts me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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