I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
