I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
