have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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