Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
