Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
