i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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