shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can i not drive my cunt home
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Your cock deserves a montage
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
