I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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