mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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