OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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