dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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