Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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