So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
