wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize