hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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