I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
