i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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