some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
