In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
