If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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