I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
