i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
