My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am one with the molecules
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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