Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
