she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
