Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
