Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
