Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
