I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
