so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
