I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
