This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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