you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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