Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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