it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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