listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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