i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
