I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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